Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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