I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
"it" just moved
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
