just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
