my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
