My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
