Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Floor bacon is actually really good
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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