man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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