Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
