thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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