ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
