apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
