we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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