sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
