This house was built for laser tag.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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