Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
