If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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