I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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