did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
