I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
