I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
