Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
