I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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