I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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