Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
