yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
