I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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