Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
