Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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