Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
