are you still at the devil's house?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
