Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
