for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
