We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
