I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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