i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can't motorboat a personality
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
