dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
