just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
