Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
