every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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