dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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