I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
