and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
