I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
