He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
