yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
