End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
