Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
