Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
