You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
