i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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