if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i dont even know how to be here
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
