if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
